When you meet that special person, sometimes you have romantic comedy-like expectations.
Your heart skips a beat every time you see them, butterflies flutter around in your stomach and you are fully convinced that this person is perfect. I mean, look at that face, how could you ever be mad at them?
Then one day, your partner forgets your anniversary, doesn’t spend time with you or develops a habit that annoys you to no end.
Cue the part in the movie where the main character ponders life while looking outside a window on a rainy day that coincidently represents the storm in their relationship.
When two lives begin to blend together, there are bound to be conflicts.
Relationships bring two different people from two different backgrounds with two different personalities together and they have to learn and understand one another. That includes understanding how to deal with conflict together.
This could be the make-it or break-it part of your relationship, but if you develop healthy ways to deal with conflict, you have a better chance of having a relationship that makes it.
I believe this is the biggest way to deal with conflict because it is the foundation of a relationship. If you do not learn how to best communicate with each other, conflicts will be more difficult to resolve.
When things are going well, ask your partner how they typically respond in times of conflict and how they want to be spoken to when things get heated. Knowing this before an argument happens will help you know how to communicate and resolve it together.
Katie Petrizzo, senior at California Baptist University, has been with her boyfriend for six years.
“I would advise others not to completely shut down how your significant other feels,” Petrizzo says. “You need to hear what they have to say and I would advise them not to tell the other that the opinion is not important.”
Don’t assume your partner is a mindreader
Sometimes, it can be easy to fall into the they should know what I want and what I’m thinking without me having to say it state of mind. But this isn’t always a fair expectation.
It is better to explain why you are upset or how you feel about the argument so there is no room for assumptions and misinterpretations.
“Don’t overthink things, don’t assume things,” Trevor Matus, boyfriend to Petrizzo, says. “Don’t be afraid to talk and share what you’re feeling and thinking. Be 100 percent honest!”
Learn from your mistakes
When a conflict arises, try one method of dealing with conflict. If arguing through a conflict isn’t effective, try stepping away from each other to cool off before trying to resolve it again.
“If you are too heated to talk it out, take a break and relax, then come back and talk it out when you’re calm so you don’t say things you will regret,” Matus says.
Not only is it important to understand how you deal with conflict as a couple, but you must keep in mind that both of you have come from families and backgrounds that have influenced the ways you deal with conflict.
“My family members tend to talk over each other during conflict but I have had to focus on holding my tongue and listen to what he has to say rather than making the conflict even bigger,” Petrizzo says.
Remember what you love about your S.O.
Don’t get wrapped up in the small disagreements; they are all a part of relationships, not only romantically but also between each and every person you come in contact with.
Getting through the tough times will make your relationship stronger and will make you appreciate the good times all the more.
“I have found that it is beneficial to remind myself that I love the man even though we may be having a disagreement,” Petrizzo says.
Featured Image: PressFoto